Robyn (magickaldreamer) wrote,

  • Music:

I don't even know...

Hi, guys. I'm still here!

Lately I've been thinking about LiveJournal a lot, and I'm starting to think I'm outgrowing it. It feels ridiculous to me, because I have been here since...oh gosh, what, 2004? My journal is a first-grader! I've made friends, I've met new people (some of whom I managed to meet in real life as a result), and it's been the center of my life in fandom--it still is! Actually, lately, that's all it is. And I have no problem with that, but I've watched people up and leave, or abandon their journals. I've kind of been letting mine die organically. This is my first post in how long? Two months? And I used to post every day.

I've put money into this; I've been the recipient of others putting money into this--into me--and I feel like I've let them down. I can't quite describe what's drawing me away these days. It's not the fact that I'm busy (though that is surely true). It's more the fact that I find myself losing interest. I used to check my flist every day, update a couple times a week, at least, and comment all the time. These days, I'm more of a lurker, and I think it's to do with the fact that I'm not just getting older, I'm maturing--with all the good and bad connotations that come along with that.

I'm not saying I don't need an outlet--far from it these days!--but that I have managed to redirect it elsewhere. I think I needed LiveJournal for a great many years when I didn't have too many friends in my everyday life. I couldn't unload on them with all my curiosities, insecurities, &c. I've built up a group of friends who are all (mostly) fandom-friendly, geeky, and honestly the most supportive group of individuals I have had the benefit of knowing personally.

Who knows. Maybe this is just a momentary thing, and I'm going to swarm back to LJ as soon as I'm not running myself into the ground this semester. Goodness knows I've tried to up and leave before, and I'm outright saying, right now, that that is not what I am doing here. Rest assured that I won't be deleting my journal--possibly ever. There are all the conversations I've had here, and of course my teenage angst memorialized! ;P

At the very least, it's going to stick around as my fandom account. Nevertheless, it's something that's on my mind, and while I do love blogging, I've always struggled with it as a form of writing. I'm getting to the point where I feel like there should be a reason, a purpose, for it.

Ugh, I don't know.
Tags: being a grown-up is hard yo, i am ridiculous, life update
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